I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
