I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
