You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
True but thats because hes a fetus.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize