Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
