oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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