3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
No subtext here. People are naked.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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