He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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