wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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