Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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