She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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