She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Randomize
