yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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