I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
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