john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
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