You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
