wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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