She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
