he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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