help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
