We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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