It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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