He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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