It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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