respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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