so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
