mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Bring me that man meat
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
