I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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