So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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