Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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