I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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