For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
My ATM looks so different sober.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Randomize
