it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
