Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
