would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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