Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Randomize
