she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
