All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
