I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
