my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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