If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
