Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
