tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Fuck appropriateness.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
