i just wanna soil my oats bro
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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