dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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