Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
