I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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