my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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