Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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