I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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