I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
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