I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
