Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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