I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize
