Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
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