All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
