i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
