I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
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