So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
