I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
