ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
