Moan for me like Helen Keller
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Randomize
