If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
