Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
