she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
