I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
this will be a night to untag.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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