listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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