whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
