If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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