I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Randomize
