Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
