just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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