New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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