i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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