There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Everclear isn't food dammit
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
