U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
