i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
