They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Randomize
