If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize