remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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