i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Just puked most of my soul out..
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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