I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
