I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Randomize
